Hello there today I wanted to talk about long term relationships… currently I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years, which to me is a bloody long time haha. But also I have friends/family who have been married for a long time or friends who have been with their partner since they were 15 and now 23/24 years old. It’s crazy how different and varied everyone’s relationships are. But the main thing we all seem to talk about is this so called “spark”.
Let me know if you are with a partner and how long?
The majority of people I have spoke to feel like the “spark” goes a bit when you have been with someone a long time. I don’t really believe in this, I don’t think a “spark” exists. Mainly because, I feel of course at the beginning of a relationship there is going to be excitement and everything is a first time and you are getting to know each other. I believe you don’t lose anything you just become more comfortable around each other.
I could definitely go on about how weird I am as a human and I am emotional but emotionless at the same time. Is that thing? Does that make sense?
The fact is I had a bad relationship, which if I had now I truly believe I would handle it better. But as a young 16 to 18 year old girl, it is horrible and especially for a first time relationship, a first “love” etc (now I can 100% say it wasn’t love). It was still long term 2 and a half years of pure shit, some good but majority bad days.
Now I am in another long term relationship… Cue the soppyness… I definitely feel different and I am happy. He is my best friend and my whole world. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. But still however great and amazing it is there are hard times. You will always have good and bad days with any relationship. Sometimes you will have times where you go through a really bad phase and you have to pull yourselves through.
My current relationship has gone through some tough times. We both met at university and he was in second year whilst I was third year (yes I am a year older haha). However this meant that whilst I moved back home he stayed at uni for his final year. This was hard- any long distance is hard. But it also meant every moment was special that we had together. There were times where we both were down and frustrated because it’s hard to not spend time together. But it wasn’t long before he finished and moved in with me and my family, because I live in London so jobs are easier for him and what he wanted to do.
However there is hard times as well. I think especially when you live with parents in the mix. At first I struggled a bit because it was weird that something that was “my” room and space I had to now share. You are also constantly in each other’s faces, and it can soon become habit to just fall into a routine. Now I am not trying to say that it’s all bad, because the majority of the time it is AMAZING and I personally think our relationship works really well.
I do want to talk about this because after speaking to some people at work it is so much more common than I realised for relationships to feel a bit “meh” when you have been with that person a long time. When you get into a routine of going to work, coming home having dinner, watching TV and then going to bed you do forget to keep the “fun” in the relationship. This could be anything to going out for dinner, the cinema, bowling, mini golf, going for drinks, having a weekend break, going to a spa etc. Just doing the little things and making the effort like it was at the beginning.
This is where a lot of older couples may say relationships are “hard work” because they are. You do have to work every day to make the effort; whether that is respecting each other, or saying nice things to each other. It is always the little things that will keep a relationship going. But also you do need to remember to change it up a little every now and then.
I hope this helps anyone that feels a little lost with their relationship, and reminds you to just make the effort and to go out. Or even change up the evenings in and make little “game nights” etc. But also you are not alone, and we are only human.
Let me know in the comments if you have any ideas on how you keep your relationship “fun”? Or what works about your relationship?
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