Let’s talk: Long-term relationships…

Hello there today I wanted to talk about long term relationships… currently I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years, which to me is a bloody long time haha. But also I have friends/family who have been married for a long time or friends who have been with their partner since they were 15 and now 23/24 years old. It’s crazy how different and varied everyone’s relationships are. But the main thing we all seem to talk about is this so called “spark”.

Let me know if you are with a partner and how long?

The majority of people I have spoke to feel like the “spark” goes a bit when you have been with someone a long time. I don’t really believe in this, I don’t think a “spark” exists. Mainly because, I feel of course at the beginning of a relationship there is going to be excitement and everything is a first time and you are getting to know each other. I believe you don’t lose anything you just become more comfortable around each other.

I could definitely go on about how weird I am as a human and I am emotional but emotionless at the same time. Is that thing? Does that make sense?

The fact is I had a bad relationship, which if I had now I truly believe I would handle it better. But as a young 16 to 18 year old girl, it is horrible and especially for a first time relationship, a first “love” etc (now I can 100% say it wasn’t love). It was still long term 2 and a half years of pure shit, some good but majority bad days.

Now I am in another long term relationship… Cue the soppyness… I definitely feel different and I am happy. He is my best friend and my whole world. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. But still however great and amazing it is there are hard times. You will always have good and bad days with any relationship. Sometimes you will have times where you go through a really bad phase and you have to pull yourselves through.

My current relationship has gone through some tough times. We both met at university and he was in second year whilst I was third year (yes I am a year older haha). However this meant that whilst I moved back home he stayed at uni for his final year. This was hard- any long distance is hard. But it also meant every moment was special that we had together. There were times where we both were down and frustrated because it’s hard to not spend time together. But it wasn’t long before he finished and moved in with me and my family, because I live in London so jobs are easier for him and what he wanted to do.

However there is hard times as well. I think especially when you live with parents in the mix. At first I struggled a bit because it was weird that something that was “my” room and space I had to now share. You are also constantly in each other’s faces, and it can soon become habit to just fall into a routine. Now I am not trying to say that it’s all bad, because the majority of the time it is AMAZING and I personally think our relationship works really well.

I do want to talk about this because after speaking to some people at work it is so much more common than I realised for relationships to feel a bit “meh” when you have been with that person a long time. When you get into a routine of going to work, coming home having dinner, watching TV and then going to bed you do forget to keep the “fun” in the relationship. This could be anything to going out for dinner, the cinema, bowling, mini golf, going for drinks, having a weekend break, going to a spa etc. Just doing the little things and making the effort like it was at the beginning.

This is where a lot of older couples may say relationships are “hard work” because they are. You do have to work every day to make the effort; whether that is respecting each other, or saying nice things to each other. It is always the little things that will keep a relationship going. But also you do need to remember to change it up a little every now and then.

I hope this helps anyone that feels a little lost with their relationship, and reminds you to just make the effort and to go out. Or even change up the evenings in and make little “game nights” etc.  But also you are not alone, and we are only human.

Let me know in the comments if you have any ideas on how you keep your relationship “fun”? Or what works about your relationship?

Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed give a like, comment and follow for more posts!

Gemma xx

CATCH UP ON MY PREVIOUS POSTS HERE| Date Night: Hollywood Bowl at the O2…Workout Wednesday‘s…🏃🏼‍♀️🏋🏼‍♀️|Brighton: Hen Do Fun…|Update: Where have I been?…

Author: gemmaajaynee

24 year old just wanting to write with her spare time.

17 thoughts

  1. Great post and such a good topic! It really is the little things that mean a lot when you’ve been with someone for a long time. Something as small as my boyfriend bringing me a drink or waiting for my train with me when I haven’t asked him to really makes appreciate him, and I’m always trying to remind myself to do little things in return. We keep things fun by always tyring to find new things to do together, even if its as little as cooking a new meal for dinner together! The big grand gestures are lovely but its mainly about making the effort to show you care! xxx

    1. Thank you! Glad you enjoyed 😊 aww that sounds really nice. I definitely agree that is the little thing and the gestures which are so important! That’s a good idea, me and Ryan try to cook different meals together or even bake cakes or do something like that 😊 thanks for your comment xxx

  2. Such an interesting read! I feel like the ‘spark’ people talk about is actually just the connection that turns into love. I don’t really think relationships are hard (speaking from my experience) as long as you continue to put each other first I think everything seems to fall in place behind that. Matt and I always prioritise date night, and we always try to unwind every night before we go to bed without our phones – that’s a huge difference because you go to sleep with a calm/relaxed mindset! We spend SO much time together that I’m so grateful for and I don’t think I’ve ever been sick of him haha, but everyone is different and there’s definitely learning experiences throughout your relationship! I loved learning more about you in this post 🙂 xxx

    – Gillian x

    1. Yeah definitely, and that’s a very interesting point. That’s why my relationship this time is completely different and it just feels more natural, but there have been some hard times too. That’s such a good idea! I love the fact you both unwind without phones, normally that’s something me and my partner love to do as well.
      Hahah yeah I am grateful that I am very lucky to live with Ryan but I think it’s a personality thing as well because I was very much “I like my alone time” kind of person. This is hard when you live with parents and a boyfriend 😂 but I adore him and love spending time with him as well. thank you for your wise words and comments! 😊 xxxx

  3. This is such a good post so thank you for sharing!! Most posts online always talk about how fun it is and how busy you always are, when really relationships do have their ups and downs! I love this so much! xx

  4. Great post, Gemma! I spent almost 7 years with my ex and now I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 7 months! I personally like the routine and I feel that I can express my love easily when we (as a couple) have one. Though I definitely agree with you on the fact that it’s important to show some little acts of love from time to time! 😊

  5. Every relationship is different as well, I’m sure you notice within your current one. Fair enough, everyone is different and I don’t mind a routine as such but I do like to change it up every now and then and be a bit adventurous 😂 thanks for reading! X

  6. I feel like in our 20’s we become more emotionally mature to handle long term relationships compared to high school. I didn’t have a boyfriend as a teenager but knew that I wanted a long term relationship. I met my now husband when I was 21 and we have been together since. For teens to find the one they’ll eventually marry, it’s rare but possible. For others, they might not get married until they’re much older.

    At the end of the day, make sure you and your SO aren’t fighting, and do little things for him throughout the day. It’s these little things that are most appreciated. Finally, there will be ups and downs in a relationships. During the shitty times, if you and your boyfriend make it through all of the crap life throws at you, then you’ll definitely be able to handle marriage. It’s these hardships that really test relationships.

    1. I definitely agree! I feel so much happier and better in this relationship, and we can talk to each other and work through things. Oh wow that is so cool that you met your husband at 21 😊
      Yeah we don’t necessary fight (not at all) we do have little ones but over like cleaning or something little haha. Yeah definitely and we have been doing that a lot more and being more verbally appreciative of each other as well 😊 thank you so much for your comment! Xx

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