21 things I have learnt at 21…

As a recent 21-year-old it came to my attention to reflect on things I have learnt throughout my life so far. Here goes…

1.      Don’t compare yourself.

My worst habit is looking at other females and instantly hating everything about myself. I see a prettier girl, or a girl that has “bigger boobs”, a “better body” and immediately pick myself apart. It’s even harder with social media as well. Not only this I compare myself to others success or them being smarter, instead of appreciating all of my good qualities. It’s time to believe in myself.

2.      It’s ok to say “no”.

I am the ultimate people-pleaser, in every way. I hate the thought of letting anyone down. Which is not necessarily bad, but is not always healthy to try and do everything that other people want to do or to help people. It’s fine to say no to things that you don’t want to do. You can be selfish sometimes and do something for yourself. You can’t make everyone happy all the time.

3.      Success takes time.

It takes time to get to where you want to go, it is not going to be handed to you on a plate (if only that was the case). Yes some people are lucky and get presented with opportunities sending them off down a successful path very quickly. However, most of the time it takes a lot of time and hard work. So work your ass off.

4.      Failure is not bad.

Before university I thought failing was the worst thing that could happen. However, university taught me that failing is not bad. Sometimes things don’t work out and you might get a grade you don’t want, but it helps us grow and learn. It is how we get better and improve as a person. Failure should be embraced.

5.      No one has a clue what they want to do.

Ok so some people do have an idea, but what I mean is it’s ok to not know what you want. Life is complicated, confusing and annoying. I wanted to be a forensic scientist when I was a kid, and now I want to be an educational psychologist. Just be patient with life and yourself. Trust that everything will work out in the right way.

6.      It is ok to cry.

Crying shows you are human. I am an ultimate cry baby. I cry… A LOT… I guess I just feel a lot of emotions happy and sad and they just overwhelm me. But I have learnt to be ok with my crying ways.

7.      Family are important.

This one seems obvious and not a lesson to have learnt, but so many people take their family for granted. Don’t waste time arguing over silly things, embrace their company. Time moves fast, so don’t waste any moment and make the most of being around those that care about you. You don’t know when that can all be taken away.

8.      It is never too late to learn something new.

I began learning how to snowboard a couple years ago and loved every moment. And more recently have been getting into running (which I do admittedly push myself more to impress my runner of a boyfriend haha). But it has taught me a lot about myself and I have experienced a lot of things I never thought I would. So take those dance lessons, learn how to drive and don’t let age define you. It’s never too late.

9.      It’s ok to love again.

Being broken once doesn’t mean that someone else will break you. I know this more than anyone and after my first heartbreak I never thought I would love again or even let anyone close enough. I believed I deserved to be alone, pushed everyone around me away, and completely lost who I was. You have to rebuild that trust in yourself and within someone new, which takes time but will be worth it. The right person will respect that and earn that trust. Don’t let one bad experience ruin the rest of your life.

10.  Social media and technology is not everything.

I have never got into this whole “social media” craze. I was late getting every app. Instagram I have had for about a year and a bit and it has made me feel worse about myself than ever. Life is so much better than a screen. Too much time is wasted trying to get “likes” or “followers” or to “stalk” others and for what? Do something more worthwhile, and experience things.

11.  Make sure people are ok.

This is just my own personal thing but I like to ask people if they are ok. Some people appreciate that someone is looking out for them.

12.  Smile. A lot.

It might be weird and creepy but I love to smile at everyone and anyone, it might make someone’s day.

13.  Distance can suck.

What I have learned is that distance can make or break a situation. Both of which I have experienced. But it also teaches you a lot about who you care about the most. Also makes the time you do get to have with those close more precious. Nothing beats those moments.

14.  Jeans for females are annoying.

Female jeans are complicated. I finally find a perfect pair and they don’t fit over my bum, and when they do they don’t fit on my legs or are too long. What’s up with this? Sort it out.

15.  My body changes all the time.

Sort of links to the one above, but I have learnt that my body likes to change constantly. That cute little black dress I liked? Can’t wear it anymore cause my boobs decided to grow that tiny bit bigger. Those shorts I love? Can’t wear because running has made me lose weight and they are too big. However, I still keep them because there will come a time where my body will change yet again and the dress and the shorts will fit.

16.  Periods are friends.

Some people don’t get this. Embrace the fact that you as a female are lucky and your body seems to be working as it should. Not everyone is as lucky.

17.  Tell people how you feel.

I have always been one to be honest to those that need it (not in a harsh way). We live in a society that is full of bullshit and lies, what’s so wrong with letting someone know you are not interested? Or telling someone that you are? Or to let your feelings out? Tell that person you love them, or miss them or are happy/not happy. It’s nice to be honest, and tell people how you feel.

18.  Affection and PDA (public display of affection) are fine.

I used to hate any form of PDA. I thought it was cute if others did it, but me? No way. Now I embrace it. Maybe it’s all about the right person and the person I am with now makes me feel so head over heels in love that I can’t help but display love and affection (cringe but so what). Im not saying full on make out with someone but hand holding, hugs, kisses what’s so wrong with that?

19.  That I made tea “wrong”.

Who would have thought there was a “right” way to make tea… but alas there is? I didn’t even realise until I went to university and everyone went crazy for my tea making skills. Never had a complaint about my teas though… I guess British people see tea as some kind of weird ritual, where everything has to be in a certain order. Weird.

20.   Don’t define yourself with numbers.

Don’t compare your finances to others or how much you would want. Money is not everything. But also don’t count up a number of qualities you should have. Just don’t define yourself in numbers. It’s not something to stress about.

21.  Asking for help is good.

We have all been scared of asking for help, I get it you don’t want to be seen as “stupid” or that you even need help in the first place. But trust me it’s not silly to ask for help, it will help you progress and grow. Plus, others have knowledge and guidance that might help you in ways you didn’t even know.

Thanks for reading…until next time..

Gemz 🌌


Author: gemmaajaynee

24 year old just wanting to write with her spare time.

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